


all to myself

by sinker



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Boys Kissing, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, M/M, Shironeki - Freeform, Swearing, ayato says the f word, human!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinker/pseuds/sinker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of various AyaKane ficlets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all to myself

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, thanks for all the comments and kudos on my first AyaKane fic! So I decided to start a ficlet collection of AyaKane~! More tags to follow, when I add another chapter. But here, enjoy this shitty written human!AU :D
> 
> English isn't my mother language, so mistakes will probably be here, sorry.

all to myself

i

* * *

  
  
  
When Ayato comes home after three months, four days, seven hours and twenty-four minutes since he ran away it’s not Touka’s face he sees. Instead in their small shared apartment, on the doorstep stands a guy with white hair and grey eyes. He holds his gaze at Ayato’s face, then his blue eyes and hair before finally moving aside while still holding the door open.  
  
“You’re Ayato, Touka’s little brother, right?”  
  
His voice is silvery and Ayato feels goose bumps on his skin. Ducking his head slightly he nods and walks by the older guy, suddenly feeling like a stranger in his own house. Setting his bag beside the familiar coffee table Ayato then turns around to face the other.  
  
“I am.” he says and feels proud of himself that he didn’t shiver. And then he decides to show his fangs, Ayato doesn’t know this guy, hot or not he is still a stranger. “And you? Who the fuck are you?”  
  
The stranger just smiles at him, like he knows him already and says, “Kaneki Ken. Touka’s boyfriend.”  
  
Just then the door open again and his older sister Touka comes rushing in, her eyes settling on him. She drops the bags and rushes to envelope him in a hug and as the bags drop to the floor and Touka’s arms are around him, Ayato’s heart drops a little as he stares at the white haired guy across his sister’s shoulder cursing his luck. After all, all the hot guys are taken.

  
  
*  
  


Ever since he returned home and promised Touka he wouldn’t do it again (even thought they both knew he was lying), Ayato started seeing Kaneki more and more. And with every his visit, the small (minuscule, really) crush he gained when they first met started growing. It started turning into something that shouldn’t happen, and something that couldn’t happen. Touka doesn’t say anything to him more than, “He’s my boyfriend. Try to get along with him.” so he gets the details from Yoriko. Because he is a good little brother, who will break Kaneki’s nose if he hurts his sister and then Yoriko spills everything.  
  
Kaneki Ken is nineteen years old and is in first year of Kamii University studying Japanese Literature. He lost both of his parents and was living with his aunt who didn’t really care for him. His best friend is Nagachika Hideyoshi, who told Touka, who told Yoriko, who told Ayato that Kaneki has a tattoo on his back. Yoriko also told him about Touka’s and Kaneki’s first meeting, but that went in one ear and exited the other.  
  
 _ **So, Ayato deducts that he’s screwed. And possibly in love with his sister’s boyfriend.**_  
  
Ever since he returned home one month, twelve days and fifty-two minutes ago Ayato feels the need to disappear again. In fact, he thinks that that would be for the best. But before he can leave Touka corners him with a glare and immediately starts talking, never the one to beat around the bush. “Ayato, where are you going?”  
  
“Nowhere. I just need to get outside the house Touka.”  
  
Her expression is tight and her voice is harsh. “You promised Ayato! You promised that the last time was going to be _**the last time**_!” She’s angry at him, he’s angry at himself and he’s angry at Kaneki for making him feel things he shouldn’t feel. Before he can say anything Touka continues talking. “Is this because of Kaneki? You don’t like him? Or is it because I haven’t told you?”  
  
 _I like him. I like him very much_. “It’s not about that bastard Touka. I just need to clear my head. And, he’s okay… I guess.”  
  
Touka frowns but steps aside anyway, because knowing Ayato he will jump outside the fucking window just to get away. “Come back in time for dinner.”  
  
“Stupid. If you are cooking, I’m not.”  
  
When he closes the front door, Ayato can hear something hit the door and smirk at his sisters’ behavior.

  
  
*

  
“This is stupid. I’m not doing this anymore.” he pushes the text book away from himself and turns away from Hinami, who for the past two hours has been trying to help him with his homework. Who knew high school was going to be this hard? But then again, not like he was present for classes. So Ayato turns to the next best thing, he turns to Hinami and looks at her, silently studying her and her warm brown eyes and bright smile and the ghost of a blush on her high cheekbones. Hinami changed, she became prettier and yet Ayato feels nothing towards her than he does for Touka.  
  
“Ayato quit complaining and get to work. I want to go shopping soon.” Touka is sitting on the chair, browsing through the TV channels and then, there’s a knock on the doors. All three of them share confused looks before Ayato gets up to answer the door.   
  
On the other side is Kaneki, fucking perfect Kaneki dressed in a long sleeved grey shirt and faded jeans. He smiles at Ayato and his silvery voice fills up the empty space between them. “Hi Ayato. Is Touka there?”  
  
Hearing her boyfriend Touka rises up from her seat and makes her way towards the door as Ayato makes his towards Hinami and the abandoned school work. The two of them are talking about something, but Ayato isn’t listening, more focused on burning a hole in his papers than his sister flirting with her boyfriend.  
  
“-to! Hey, Ayato!” He snaps his head up and there’s Touka with a annoyed expression staring back at him.  
  
“What?” He snaps at her and bites the inside of his cheek, he shouldn’t snap at her, it’s not her fault.  
  
“I said, Hinami and I are going shopping, something we should have done ages ago if someone wasn’t stupid.” Touka sends a pointed look at him when he opens his mouth to protest. “So Kaneki offered to stay and help you, that okay?”  
  
She’s looking at him, eyes hopeful that he’ll accept this and start getting along with her boyfriend. Ayato looks briefly at Kaneki, who is smiling softly at him, at Touka - _fuck he doesn’t know anymore_! - drops his gaze and nods.  
  
“Yeah, that’s fine. That way I can blame you when I fail biology.” He’s smirking both at his sister and Kaneki, while Hinami sighs in the background and Touka smiles at him, as if accepting this means everything to her. If she only knew how he felt…  
  
“It’s okay Touka, I’ll make sure that he at very least learns enough to pass.” His silvery voice causes goose bumps to appear on Ayato’s skin and Ayato decides that that voice should be illegal, in fact Kaneki as a person should be illegal. Blue eyes glare into the back of his head as Kaneki is walking Touka and Hinami out, as if it’s his place and then they are met with piercing grey ones. And Ayato momentary forgets how to breathe and breaks the brief eye contact.  
  
 ** _He’s dating his fucking sister. And Ayato needs to get his shit together._**

“Okay Ayato,” Ayato likes the way his name sounds when Kaneki says it. “What do you need help with?”  
  
“Fucking anatomy! Apparently we are working on the brain right now, Hinami has already explained it to me, and I just can’t memorize the shitty things! Why the fuck do I even need to know these things?!”  
  
He’s annoyed. He’s nervous. And being left alone with Kaneki just doesn’t help him at all. Kaneki cracks a smile at his attitude and picks up the abandoned biology text book, he’s not sure how much he can help Ayato but he can at least explain it once again to Ayato and then quiz him. Kaneki’s flipping through the text book, right hand pressed against his cheek and grey eyes practically swallowing up words, he seems entirely focused and Ayato stares at him for what feels like infinity.  
  
“Well then Ayato, I will explain it once again and then I will quiz you, okay?”  
  
“Whatever. Not like I’m going to memorize anything.” His voice is harsher than he intends it to be, but if Kaneki noticed, he didn’t say anything just opened his mouth and started explaining the same things he already heard from Hinami. Though he wasn’t focused on anything except Kaneki’s voice, fuck biology and anatomy Ayato thinks that he could listen him forever - even though he is talking about the shitty brain.  
  
In the end Kaneki had to explain it slowly once more for Ayato, whose cheeks were slowly turning pink.  
  
“Well then Ayato, shall we start?” The blue haired teen nods and Kaneki pauses for a few seconds, thinking of a question. “What are the four lobes of the brain?”  
  
Ayato racks his brain trying to find answer involving brain, and silently laughs at irony. “Uhh… Frontal, temporal, then… parietal and fuck, what was the last one? O-Occipital!” He’s half yelling across the coffee table and his blue eyes shine proudly that Kaneki doesn’t say anything. Instead he smiles and nods.  
  
“Good, where are the sensory and motor strips?" Ayato pursed his lips this time, trying to picture a diagram of the human brain in his head as Kaneki told him, completely missing the way the other looks at his lips.  
  
"The motor strip is at the back of the frontal lobe, and the sensory strip is right behind it, but part of the parietal lobe." Kaneki nodded again, keeping his face neutral.  
  
"Three parts of the brain."   
  
"Fore-brain, hind-brain, mid-brain."  
  
"What is the main fissure in the brain called?"  
  
"Longitudinal Fissure."  
  
"Explain 'all-or-nothing' principle."  
  
"Uhh, it's when neurons fire. They release their entire charge, or nothing at all."  
  
"Good. Now name, and briefly describe the three main parts of a neuron." Ayato stopped at that one, swallowing in thought. And Kaneki was pleasantly surprise at how quickly the teenager could memorize things, _so different than Touka_ , he thought with a smile.  
  
"Uhm..." The blue haired boy bit his lip. "Ah, there's the axon, the de-dendrite, and the uh, myelin sheath?" Ayato asks, doubting himself, after all this shit is hard to remember. "Either the myelin sheath or the cell body." He corrected himself and Kaneki let out a soft laugh.  
  
"The cell body is the answer." He said, with that soft smile of his. Ayato nods, completely focused and begins to explain the parts. "The cell body contains the nucleus and provides energy for cell function." He stops for a few seconds, trying to untangle his thoughts. "The uhh... the dendrites receive messages from the other cells, and the uh, the axon carries the messages."  
  
"And last question. Where are the messages being carried?" Kaneki asked.  
  
"Away from the cell body to the other neurons." Ayato says in one breathe and Kaneki nods, glad the response was almost immediate.

"Ayato, you were great. You will surely pass the pop-quiz tomorrow." Kaneki's glad that he could help him, even though two hours and thirteen minutes were needed.  _Still_ , he thinks  _it's better than helping Touka prepare for literature exam_. 

"Yeah." He loves how Ayato looks so proud and confident and then, he's looking to the side and speaking barely above a whisper. "Thanks..."

Kaneki smiles at the teenager in front of him and reaches over, ruffling those blue locks. Ayato's cheeks burn and there is no doubt anymore. 

**_He's completely screwed. And in love with his sister's boyfriend._ **

*

 

Ayato’s sure that Kaneki is probably doing all of those things unconsciously, like ruffling his hair, brushing his hand against his, tucking in his hair behind his ear and coming over to help him study. Not only did his grades improve, Touka also seems to be happier that they are getting along but his heart soars every time Kaneki and he touch. His pale, cold hands, silvery voice and those grey eyes are doing things to Ayato that shouldn’t be happen to him. He doesn’t remember just how many times he masturbated to the thought of Kaneki since they met.  
  
And he has had enough.  
  
Touka is going to Yoriko’s for a study session, more like a sleepover and Kaneki is coming to help him with his non existing homework. Not that Ayato would ever admit to anyone that he did his homework in advance.  
  
He’s going to confess to Kaneki. Fucking, perfect Kaneki. Touka’s Kaneki. His older sister’s boyfriend.  
  
Ayato doesn’t know if he should feel disgusted at himself for doing this behind Touka’s back, or scared because he doesn’t know how Kaneki will react. Either way, he already packed his bag and wrote a note to Touka, just in case. He sits on beside the coffee table, gripping the hem of his sweater and blue eyes burning holes into Touka’s back and the clock on the wall. All the waiting is making him go crazy, closing his eyes Ayato remembers what happened earlier this week, when he and Kaneki almost kissed.    
  
 _Ayato is not a morning person. Neither is Touka. So who in the name of fuck is knocking at the door at fucking seven-something in the fucking morning? When the knocking ceases, Touka’s phone starts ringing and it’s volume is so loud Ayato can hear it in his room. Throwing the covers off of him, he marches to Touka’s room where his idiotic sister is dead asleep and picks up her phone._  
  
 _‘Kaneki Ken’ it says. For a brief moment he thinks of answering the phone, but decides against it and puts it back where it was and proceeds to shake Touka._  
  
 _“Oi, shitty Touka. Wake up! Your phone’s ringing.”_  
  
 _He kicks her at her bed. Twice. And blue eye glares at him. Ayato has zero fuck to give._  
  
 _“Whatever. I’m going to see who’s at door, you answer your fucking phone. That ring tone is annoying.”_  
  
 _He doesn’t care that he is wearing boxers and oversized t-shirt as he makes his way towards the front door and rubs his eyes prepared to swear at who ever is at the other side. He harshly opens the door, and his mouth to speak but as his eyes register Kaneki his voice dies in his throat. Since the weather got colder Ayato has seen Kaneki wear a beanie more often, today he was wearing his usual grey on as well, a striped sweater, in black and white combination and black slightly ripped jeans. His nose and cheeks were slightly red and Ayato stepped to the side so that Kaneki could enter._  
  
 _“Thank you Ayato and good morning.”_  
  
 _And then Ayato remembered. “OI YOU SHITTY FUCKING IDIOT!” Kaneki looked at him, grey eyes open wide in surprise. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?”_  
  
 _“Yeah, seven forty-four am. Why?”_  
  
 _“WHY?! WHY?! MAYBE BECAUSE SOME OF US ACTUALLY SLEEP AT THIS TIME YOU FUCKING STUPID IDIOT!”_  
  
 _Kaneki just stands there and lets Ayato finish his angry tantrum and really, it’s not his fault Touka wanted for them to go ona breakfast date. Still, he hadn’t meant to wake up Ayato. His blue eyes seem ablaze and Kaneki wonders what to say and not upset him more._  
  
 _“Sorry Ayato. But Touka and I agreed for me to pick her up at seven thirty am. I’ve been calling her. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”_  
  
 _Ayato lets out a loud and long sigh and shakes his head, his blue hair bouncing left and right along with the movement. He needed to calm down and he suddenly became aware that he was standing in front of Kaneki wearing his boxers and a t-shirt. He needs to wake up Touka, if she already hasn’t woken up from his screaming and just go to bed._  
  
 _“Whatever. I’m going to get Touka, just - just wait here.”_  
  
 _And then everything happened in a flash. As Ayato turned around, he stumbled across something on the floor, was it a shoe or a pillow he didn’t have any time to try and remember but prepare himself for a rather hurtful fall. And then, there was a hand wrapped around his waist and a force pulling his back. Something hit the front door and his head as well. His ass hurt as he fell on it and when he finally opened his eyes Ayato saw that Kaneki softened his fall. Instead of letting him fall to the floor, the idiot wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him backwards, making him back connect to the door and his chin met the top of Ayato’s head. There was a slight wince above him and Ayato tried his best to turn around and meet Kaneki’s eyes._  
  
 _The grey eyes stared into his and Kaneki completely ignore everything, tightening his hold and pulling Ayato even closer to him._  
  
 _“Are you okay Ayato?”_  
  
 _He was sure his cheeks, were on fire, especially since Kaneki’s free hand is right next to his naked tight. Kaneki’s lips were so close, he just had to lean in and finally he would kiss those lips that haunted his dreams, finally he would extinguish the fire that burned beneath his skin. Just mere millimeters and his thirst would be satisfied. As he started to lean in there were movements coming from Touka’s room and Ayato practically jumped off of Kaneki and offered his hand._  
  
 _“I-I-I’m fine you fucking idiot. What about you? You didn’t have to do that, I’m not weak, I won’t break.”_  
  
 _It came out harsher than he wanted it to, but the look in Kaneki’s eyes told him he understood. Understood what exactly? Did Kaneki know anything? Fuck, this was bad, so, so bad. Before he could say anything Touka came rushing out of her room and in the direction of the bathroom._  
  
 _“Sorry Kaneki! I forgot, just give me ten minutes to get ready!” And she disappeared, leaving him again alone with Kaneki._  
  
 _“Well then,” Ayato started, feeling Kaneki’s gaze on him. “I’m going back to bed, you okay with waiting for my shitty sister by yourself?”_  
  
 _He didn’t wait for an answer and started walking towards his room with lightning speed. No, he couldn’t stay along with him now, not now when their lips almost touched, when he felt Kaneki’s body and his arm around him, when he felt his hand on his tight._  
  
 _“Fuck.” he mumbled softly and hoped that Touka hurries up because his boxers were getting uncomfortable._  
  
 _About fifteen minutes later Touka’s yelling as she exited the apartment with Kaneki and Ayato makes his way to bathroom immediately. He adjusts the water temperature and wraps a hand around himself._  
  
 _“Kaneki.” He moans softly and another session of masturbating to your older sister’s boyfriend starts._

  
Blushing slightly at the thoughts Ayato barely yells a ‘bye’ at his sister before walking towards the full-length mirror and he looks at himself in the mirror, pleased with his black skinny jeans and an oversized grey sweater. He’s running a hand through his hair, nervous and scared and yet at the same time excited. Ever since their almost kiss Kaneki has been looking at him more often, Ayato himself caught him staring once and damn was he feeling smug all day because of it but also at the same time he was spending more time around Touka so Ayato was in dilemma.  
  
 _It’s all stupid shitty bastards fault for making me feel like this_! He thought to himself, staring at the clock and wondering if Kaneki was going to show up today, he was late. Picking up his phone Ayato started surfing the net, to pass time and also in case Kaneki sends him a text, or calls him. Rapid knocks on the door almost made him drop his phone, his breath caught in his throat and he quickly walked towards the door.  
  
Kaneki was standing on the other side, slightly flushed, probably from running and Ayato immediately stepped to the side making way for Kaneki to enter. The older guy smiled at Ayato and proceed inside, unwrapping his scarf and taking off his jacket.  
  
“Hi Ayato, sorry I’m a bit late… something came up.” his usually silvery voice was now a bit breathy and rushed and Ayato just waved his hand.  
  
“No worries, shitty idiot. Glad that you could make it. Want something to drink?”  
  
“Just water please.”  
  
Ayato nodded at the other and started walking into the kitchen, his heart beating so hard that he thought it was going to jump out of his chest. Clutching the front of his sweater with one hand, he reached for a glass with another and tried to calm himself down, filling up the glass he slowly walked towards Kaneki noticing that today he was wearing everything black, so his pale skin and white hair stood out. Swallowing he made his way towards the coffee table and put the glass in front of Kaneki, who thank him, and sat on the other side. They stayed like that in silence for a few minutes, just stealing glances at each other and looking away if they made eye contact.  
  
“So, Ayato.” the white haired guy decided to take the initiative. “What do you need help with today?”  
  
This is it. His heart was now beating so loud he was sure Kaneki could hear it as well. Swallowing hard, feeling his face heat up Ayato slowly got up on his knees and crawled over to Kaneki. Grey eyes look at him with confusion evident in them and Ayato chokes. He opens his mouth few times and closes them few times, trying to come up with the best confession possible.  
  
“Ayato, why are you imitating a fish?”  
  
Fuck best confession. Gritting his teeth in silent fury Ayato glared at Kaneki, blue eyes hard and piercing as they stared into the calm grey ones.  
  
“Fuck you shitty idiot.”  
  
And with that he pulls at Kaneki’s collar and pushes his lips hard against his. Ayato kisses him like he does everything - he’s a bit rough and there are teeth but Kaneki doesn’t mind, instead he tilts his head and starts kissing back, settling a slow pace for them. Ayato locks his head around his neck, settling himself on his lap, hands threading through those soft white locks while Kaneki keeps his hands at his small back. Kaneki pulls one hand up and into Ayato’s hair pulling at it and kisses him harder, his lips parting on his next breath to gently scrape his teeth over the other boy's lower lip. And Ayato makes a low, hungry noise deep in his throat.  
  
They part for a moment, just for one breath before their lips are connected again. Their next kiss is deeper, with more teeth, and Ayato parts Kaneki's lips with his own, licking against them questioningly. In response, Kaneki's tongue slides against his, and Ayato makes a low, breathy noise and lets him into his mouth. They kiss until their head spins and both of them gasp for air.  
  
“Ayato…” the usually silvery voice, is now husky and Ayato wants to moan and press his lips against Kaneki’s again, wants Kaneki’s tongue in his mouth again, he wants, wants, wants-  
  
“Fuck… fuck! Listen Ken,” Grey eyes are staring at him and Ayato can feel Kaneki’s tug on his hair at his name. He takes that as a good sign and continues. “Ever since I came home three months ago, eight days and fuck - _what six hours ago_? - I fucking met you. And ever since then I had a small crush on you and I can’t take it anymore. You are Touka’s boyfriend, my fucking sister’s boyfriend! I’m going behind her back and fuck it all, I just need to know, how do you feel about me. Because…” his voice breaks and, his eyes burn with unshed tears and Ayato can’t look at Kaneki now.  
  
Yeah, clearly the best confession ever.  
  
“Because…? Because what Ayato?” Kaneki’s voice trailed off and Ayato puts his hands in his shoulders, takes a deep breath to calm his heartbeat and to blink away the unshed tears and he looks straight into those grey orbs.  
  
“Because I’m fucking in love with you.” He says in one breath, looks down and waits. Waits for… well he doesn’t know what he waits for, it can be both. But, but Ayato hopes, wants Kaneki to choose him.  
  
The hand that was loosely wrapped around his waist tightens and Kaneki places his forehead against Ayato’s shoulder. He lets out a deep breath and they stay like that for a few minutes, both content just with being in each others arms.  
  
“Ayato,” It’s muttered against his skin and the goose bumps appear. “I love you too, ever since the day we first met you have struck me as someone I wanted to protect, someone I wanted to hold into my arms. And for not saying it earlier, sorry Ayato.”  
  
He pulls back, staring at the blushing Ayato and presses their lips together into a soft, gentle kiss. He’s smiling when they part and Ayato can’t help but smile with him as well.  
  
“And don’t worry about Touka,” Kaneki says, now holding Ayato’s face into his hands. “I’ve already broken up with her.”  
  
Ayato pulls him into a tight hug and he has a huge urge to cry, not like he’s going to. He will just discreetly wipe away the tear that was running down his cheek without Kaneki noticing. He love him, he love fucking perfect Kaneki Ken, his sister’s ex-boyfriend.  
  
“Ken, can I stay with you for few days?” his voice sounds small, mainly because he doesn’t know how Touka will react when she hears, but now it doesn’t matter to him.  
  
“Sure Ayato.”  
  
They slowly get up off the floor, with Kaneki kissing Ayato’s neck, making him moan and than laughing at him which ends up with the blue haired boy shouting at him. Picking up the already packed bag (at which Kaneki lifts an eyebrow, and Ayato says, “hey, I didn’t know how were you going to react.”) and the note he wrote for Touka which he places on the coffee table and walks out with hand intertwined with Kaneki’s.

  
  
*  
( _I’m sorry Touka._  
 _I can’t keep my promise, because I’m going to pursuit my own happiness._  
 _Ironically it’s with him_.)  
  
*

  
  
It’s been one year, one month, twelve days and fifty-two minutes since they’ve met and Ayato’s heart beats just like then.

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah, to be continued :D


End file.
